My idea of marriage
is that it is supposed to be the most wonderful of all relationships. It is the consensual agreement between two mature adults, and that be true, nothing about marriage should be convoluted.
It is rather unfortunate that what is supposed to be a blissful, serene and most wonderful relationship, ostensibly appears not be so.
I have seen where people claim that short term courtship, in contrast to long term courtship, appears to be the major reason why marriages crack and collapse. This maybe true and maybe not. After all, our fore parents were known to marry each other by match making, through families or friends, and most of such marriages have stood the test of time and the products of such unions are some of the responsible people, to reckon with in our society of today. Some of us are even products of such unions, raised and nurtured by both parents. In a nutshell, i'm only trying to point out that short or long term courtship, has nothing to do with the success or failure of marriages but can not be undermined too.
I believe that part of the reasons marriages seem not to be working out well, are because so many factors are either not taken into consideration, or completely neglected. Part of these reasons are as a result of shifting roles, intolerance, decadence in moral values, pride, materialism, absence of true love
, misplaced priories, lack of understanding, unfriendliness, to mention a few.
Most women are so empowered in this age and time, which is very encouraging, but , they forget to understand their roles in the home front. They are either too powerful in their respective social capacities; that they are carried away by the power, fame and prosperity they have acquired, hence switching their roles of being the wives to being dictators in their homes.
As wives, we must learn to assume the position of wives and mothers, when we retire from our days job. We must learn to assume the position of the supporter and helper we are naturally modified to be. Carrying out our roles as wives does not reduce our relevance, nor does it make us a lesser human being. In short, it adds beauty, dignity and respect to our womanliness. A man by nature always wants to know where he fits in and can be seen as a relevant partner. Even if
we make all the money but in dispensing our duty, we lack character, then the man is bound to feel less important and this can bring about power struggle,resentment and break down in communication.
Men, should also learn to tame their ego and understand, that two are better than one. They should never relinquish their duties, no matter the hardship imposed by economic breakdown. The man should be able let his partner know what is going on in his life, This will enable his wife to appreciate his struggle. Men should also learn not to take the love, support, obedience and understanding of a woman as weakness. Both should always work towards same goal, for the common good of the family.
Tempers fly so quickly nowadays, that things get complicated if not properly handled. We must learn to tolerate and forgive each other. When there's any form of skirmish, the best way to go about it, is to talk about it, negotiate and come to comprise. Relationship is about about sacrifice, tolerating the other within the available emotional space. The more understanding and tolerating both become, the better co-existence established.
It is also important to be adult of good moral values. If our innate values are of acceptable standard, then the probability of coming in contact with a partner of the same moral standard may be high. One of the principles of nature, is that we attract the kind of person we are. We must be able to account to some degree, the character of the person we are dealing with, family background and some vital background checks must be carried out in order to know who we are choosing to spend the rest of our lives with. Though, this does not also translate that we can completely understand each others character. According to Macbeth and i quote: There is no art to find the mind's construction in the face. This literally means that, there's no guarantee that we can completely understand the other person, but if a person in entrenched in some vital characteristic traits of good values, then picking on a partner with similar traits will go a long way in defining the kind of relationship they will establish.
An essential part of marriage is building a relationship based on solid friendship. Your partner must be one who you can play and relate with very freely. Not one you are scared of or finds difficult to discuss or open up to. Your partner must be your confidant and true friend, an approachable person. When two people establish their relationship on solid foundation of strong friendship, they will remain friends even when the love seems to escape due to some unforeseen or circumstances beyond their control. True friendship, will always be the reason, you watch each others back.
This also brings us to the issue of marrying for the sake of material benefits. if we marry for true love, we are bound to support and care deeply for each, rather than compete or try gain off the other.
I believe that when we sincerely look inward, we will be able to identify why we cannot foster a healthy relationship.
I wrote this not as a marriage counselor but my two pennies worth, on what i feel are some of the root causes of why marriages are not working out.
.......Voice Of Yemi Michael