When governors steal senators’ wives

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Koko: It’s like watching ‘Ridicu­lousness’ on DSTV’s MTV. Kaka: Which part of our pre-election drama is getting you all worked up now? Koko: It’s blatantly nauseating. Kaka: Keep going on like that and you will burst an artery. Koko: How can Senators go on strike? Kaka: They are not exactly on strike o. They go to the chambers and do nothing. Koko: Ok, so they go to work, they just don’t work. Kaka: Yeah, there’s a difference. Koko: Now, there’s a difference between six and half a dozen. Senators downing tools, refusing to consider bills because their party handed state political structures to the governors. How is that enough reason to betray the mandate of Nigerian voters, the people who sent them to Abuja to make laws? Kaka: You don’t understand the pain and plight of these Senators, my friend. Imagine a powerful man taking your fine wife, won’t you scream, do anything to retrieve your wife? Koko: So, who took the Senators’ wives now? Kaka: It’s obvious now. The governors have all conspired to take the wives of Senators. That’s why they are all angry and ready to bite our heads off. Koko: Which doesn’t make sense at all. The governors took the Senators’ wives and they are giving the President ultimatum and biting our heads off. Have they lost their minds? Kaka: You are the one worried about their minds. These Senators are distressed and very dangerous right now. Those governors have not done well. Koko: You are either losing your mind too or you are determined to confuse me. If the governors took their wives, why are they angry with the President who is con­tented with his one wife? This misdirected aggression is confusing. Why do the electorate have to suffer for the promiscu­ity of politicians? Kaka: Ok, calm down. You see, gover­nors are now in charge of party structures in the states and they decide who goes where in 2015 and who proceeds on retirement. It is the President that gave them that power. So? The President is the architect of this wife-taking business. Koko: Now, it’s getting clearer. But who doesn’t know that governors in Nigeria are witches and wizards? Even if the President had not given them that power nicely, they would have wrestled it from him. Kaka: But we all thought after setting ablaze the coven of the Governors Forum, their powers had been burnt to ashes. Koko: Not possible, as you can see. Those human beings will be powerful until further notice. Kaka: In other words, the Senators have lost their wives for good? Koko: That’s how it looks from where we are standing. Kaka: But what do those governors need new wives for anyway, they already have harems. Koko: I hope nobody is listening. (Low­ering his voice) The wives that they took from the Senators will be used as sacrifices to the gods. Kaka: Aaaaah? Human sacrifice? Koko: Don’t shout. The walls have ears. For the governors to remain powerful, the gods must be appeased. For the President to get re-elected , the governors must remain powerful. Kaka: Where does that leave the Sena­tors? Koko: In the lurch. In the cold. High and dry. Anywhere but where they want to be. Kaka: So, the governors are the ones the president needs to get re elected? Koko: They are also the ones that the party needs to do that 60-year-run they have been threatening us with since 1999. Kaka: That’s why they are treating Sena­tors like disposable napkins. Very unfair. Koko: I think it’s simply called politics. Unfortunately, Senators can’t or aren’t in any position to take anybody’s wife. Kaka: You are wrong there. That was before they joined Trade Union Congress and Nigerian Labour Congress. Now they are full time unionists who must get what they want or we are all doomed. Koko: That sounds so undistinguished and selfish, if you ask me. Kaka: Huh, I’m not asking you. Just brace up for a rough ride. No public peti­tions, no executive bill, no budget will be entertained until the governors returned the wives they stole from the Senators. Koko: Somehow, this reminds me of the doctors’ strike. So many people died while the doctors stood their ground. And to think it was these same senators who mediated and tried to broker peace. Kaka: I think while they were brokering peace, they were also learning the tricks of strikes and so on. Koko: Totally selfish. How can the Senators refuse to do the job they swore to do just because their governors are not being nice to them and the President has sacrificed them for a bigger ritual ceremony? Kaka: That is like the Senators taking our own wives and hopes at the same time. Koko: Do you think this no-ticket-no-sitting will work? Kaka: I don’t think so. Those gover­nors will do what they have to do and the President will dance with whoever will deliver twins for him. Besides, the primaries are very close. Koko: So, what do you suggest the Senators do to get their wives back? Kaka: They should start work from day one and make themselves indispens­able to the people who voted them. They should never ever think they are so big the President will forget the people who have the powers to undo him … Koko: And they should never think we will forget this blackmail of the aver­age Nigerian who is getting caught in this wife-snatching business. Kaka: They are really looking mean now with their threat to deal with PDP and us by not considering the Medium Term Expenditure Framework and Fiscal Strategy Paper, among other things. Koko: Are they going to get paid for the days they don’t sit? Kaka: Yes, they are bigger than all of us taxpayers. Koko: That is ungodly o. Some of them are Knights and elders in church­es… Kaka: Don’t bring God into this. Let’s go home and pray until the Sena­tors call off their strike. Koko: PDPpppppp! Kaka: Power to the Senators