Hello Dear Guys,
After a brief absence i'm back here again. If
you remember sometime last week, there was this article by Francisca Owumi on a topic similar to the one you are about to read on and it was targeted only at the female folks. Although, I'm not one who usually engages in gender wars or provocations, but I felt there was also the need to balance the views from another perspective i.e from the perspective of we guys. Yes, I really enjoyed reading her take on the topical ssue and I remember asking directly on the comments post what was the exact term for guys who also/have suffered from similar circumstances in the hands of the ladies
. Well, no one was able to provide me with a satisfactory answer and ever since I have set out to painstakingly conduct a research of my own so I could divulge to you guys some of the peculiar attributes to watch out for just the same way she had done for her fellow ladies. You can call it; looking out for a brother's interest (Laughs Out Loud). So guys, are we ready to learn? Alright, sit back, enjoy and pay rapt attention as you read.
It may seem immoral to have a back-up boyfriend or girlfriend if you’re seriously dating someone. While this is a fact in modern society. Both men and women are likely to have backups for love and marriage. Once they are unlucky to break up with the formal ones, they can easily find some one to make up. Being a backup means you might be abandoned whenever someone superior to you is found; therefore, no one wants to be one! Are you just the "Nice Guy" who's getting strung along by a girl? Yes or No? Whatever the response is...Then, how do you guys judge whether you are taken as a backup or not?
To every lady there is a clear gap in the space between "boy" and "friend". And in that little gap, there can be a whole lot of drama, mixed signals, and hurt feelings. You love her, feel something strong, but you've never quite thought if she thinks of you in that same light. Hey, dude! Why not stop and think: wait a minute and ask yourself this; could I ever be the only man in her life?
Think about it : if she only wants you when you have to pick her up and drive her home when she has had one too many drinks at the bar and you just happen to be that big, strong shoulder to cry on whenever her real date/guy stands her up. Man, you're not her real flame but just the knightly "Okon" beside a charming prince "Van Vicker" who's always there to placate and make her smile whenever she's unhappy about her main guy.
So, who is the back-up boyfriend? The back-up boyfriend is the guy ladies go to in times of emotional turbulence. He listens to their problems, offers advice
, helps to build their self esteem, and even gives a good cuddle for comfort. Then he's cut loose. A back-up boyfriend may probably have a romantic interest in his unyielding girlfriend. But ironically, will end up helping her transition from one relationship to the next. He may hope his "kindness" will bring her around to being interested in him, but he will just end up being frustrated when that doesn't come to pass.
What Then Are The Signs That She Doesn't Want A Romantic Relationship With You?
Here are a number of clues that you're the back-up Boyfriend :
• Your conversations with her are usually about her, her problems, or her "reality."
• You constantly go to her to hang out. Rarely, if ever, does she come to you or even meet you half way.
• You provide the initiation, transportation, and funds (you become her proper maga) for your meet-ups. She does so rarely, if ever.
• She will not hook you up with any of her friends even if you blatantly express an interest.
• She actively prevents you from hooking up with her friends.
• She will not include you in group activities with her friends nor will she be interested in hanging out with your friends.
• She constantly breaks plans with you.
• You reach out for support or a favor and receive, at most, a cooly polite response but no real support.
• You are her "cuddle-monkey," meaning intense snuggling sessions with absolutely no sexual overtones allowed.
• You make her uncomfortable when you personalize sexual topics.
• She is comfortable when SHE personalizes sexual topics, such as describing hersexual encounters.
• She seldom calls to find out about your personal well-being, if at all she does, its only when you are the one doing the calling.
• It takes her hours or days to return voicemail and texts.
• She responds to phone calls with texts.
• She will never come to your place to share personal moments with you. For instance, those moments when you're soaking garri and groundnut (smiles).
• Encounters with your unyielding girlfriend leave you empty, sad, or "off."
• She never brings up questions for discussions that can gauge your interest e.g questions like "what did you do this weekend?" Or "Did you miss me?"
• Her body language won't reveal any feel for you e.g, no brushing of your forearms with her fingers or even getting handy touchy with you.
• When she is with her circle of friends, she will usually just make you feel ordinary. No display of closeness or chemistry whatsoever.
• Lastly, she won't act the role of a serious girlfriend in your life. Taking the most obvious to be when she is supposed to show romantic gestures towards you by buying you expensive gifts on special occasions like "Valentine's Day" or on your "Birthdays".
Now That You Know These Signs, What Do You Do?
Well If you're were looking for advice on how to change this kind of relationship situation into a real romantic relationship then I have just one, single piece of advice: MOVE ON!
Seriously, Cut it and run. Don't even go to her anymore. Back off! Go on ghostmode. End everthing....that's not going to happen...right? Alright, Forget it. Oh, but you love her! See, i was once in those shoes. Chai...how can i forget so soon how Chioma rotated my senses back during my University days. Okay, then go ahead and let her keep your testicles. Since you don't respect yourself why should anyone else?
Finally, If my initial advice won't work for you. Well, I'll advise you that while “all is fair in love and war,” both parties in the relationship should at least be open and honest about their commitment, or lack of commitment. The best thing you can do is share your thoughts and feelings with her and find out exactly what she is thinking. The answer may surprise you. But at the end of the day, you do need to find someone that feels the same way about the relationship as you.