Looking outside the window every morning was not an easy task for me. I enjoyed it anyways.. Never got tired of it for once, ever since I noticed this lovely couple living opposite my crib. Haven't seen unmarried couple crazy into each other so much that they dramatize their love outside the house, bombading themselves with unexplanable romantic kisses and touches.. Only true lovers could do that if I 'm right.. I perceived her smiles to be that of someone who couldnt bear the absence of her lover for long but was helpless in such a situation. The dude has to go to work and make some bar. Perhaps she does the spending when the money rolls in.
The sight of their expressive love act everyday boiled up pound of tears and bitterness in me. I wished I had an interesting relationship as theirs but No!!! far from it. It's so saddening. Frank no longer use to be my baby, he has stopped being human, responsible and romantic. He is now a terrible sight to behold as far as I am concerned. Well!!! at the beginning of our love journey maybe he was human. Tall, dark, and handsome were what I looked out for in a guy. The feeling of being with an ugly dude to me limits my prestige and esteem..
Lucky me, Frank had it all and I was always anxious of showing him off to my besties and whoever cared to know who I was dating. Five years ago when I decided to be his girlfriend, I felt I was the most fortunate girl to have fallen into the hands of such a guy.. But right now, i feel the opposite. He is a changed man now. Seeing my neighbours love themselves the way they do made me crave for a better relationship.
As jobless as I was, I would leave anything I was doing just to catch a glimpse of my neighbours' love drama. She aint looking bad even though I was prettier and sexier than her as I said to console myself. Having her as a friend was not a bad idea.. I thought as I smiled. Just as the babe kissed her man a good day, the thought of haven't heard from frank for a while sightly crossed my mind and spoilt my mood.
Although I had stopped bothering myself about pleasing him because even when he is around, it's like hell on earth. He yells at every little statement I make, on many occassions he had threatened to hit me. He complains about everything I did, nothing I did was good enough. Before making his meal, I think twice because he might not come home and even when he does, he might not eat.
Anytime I complained of him keeping late, I sleep in ache with my face badly swollen. It's worse when we have a quarrel or disagreement. The aftermath of our fight sometimes is something I' m not proud of. out of frustration,I sit to think if i was always at fault but i couldnt fish out any. i was loyal, homely, submissive to him. His love for me just went sour for no reason. Maybe moving into his house initially was a foolish idea. I made the choice out of ignorance. Perhaps, I did it to keep him. I wanted to be aware of everything that happened to him. I didnt want to be far from him. I loved him and couldnt stand him being with another woman, so I moved in.
Now I discovered somethings won't just work in keeping a man such as sex, moving into his apartment, being protective or insecured. He would stay if he wants to. I blamed myself for loving Frank that much. I could risk my life for him. That was how bad I was in love with him. Of course, I had other correct guys who took interest in me but all for the sake of frank, I disposed them. He got to know about few of them and didnt talk about it since I was not seeing them. I got tired and totally hopeless of my relationship with frank so I took our relationship to God and always prayed for him. Sometimes, I wonder if God was listening to my plea over my so called fiance.
My story is a long one....I will conclude it on Saturday.
Note: Images are for illustration purposes and doesn't depict actual person.
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