1. Husbands, love your wives unconditionally. Meaning in ALL things love her. Don't love when things are going right or when all conditions are good. Love her inspite of all her flaws. Correct her in love not by yelling. Love her when her breasts are high and low. Remember, those breasts are evidence that she nursed your kids in the proper way, and those love-handles, (excessive stretch of her stomach) are great signs she gave you your beautiful kids. Love forgives, is patient, it's kind, it suffers long, doesn't lie, doesn't cheat, doesn't backbite, and keeps no record of wrong. So love your wives and you will be amazed how peaceful your homes will be.
2. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands; not your pastor, parents, mentor, older siblings, street father and mother, and all other great uncles and aunts. To submit is to give over or yield to the power and authority of your husbands. Also to willingly allow yourself to be ruled by your husband. No words should be more important and obeyed than that of your husbands. The moment the man paid your dowry to make you his, all responsibilities was shifted from your parents and everyone else to him. Meaning he is solely responsible for your financial, spiritual, social, and all other needs. Therefore he deserves your absolute respect, honor, reverence, and loyalty. Wives, If you cannot kneel down before your husbands who is now your "lord" then you shouldn't kneel to your pastor or place high honor or regards to anyone else over him besides your God. As a matter of fact, your husband should be your spiritual leader and pastor (if you married a believer and one who reveres God absolutely), but if you married someone who uses you as a punching bag, or abuses you verbally, then prayer and counseling is needed for such person to be delivered from such evil acts. It's evil for men to use their wives as practices for boxing or wrestling and homes as the venue for such.
There are professions in boxing and wrestling, it's best for such men to enroll immediately since they possess such great talents and abilities. Ladies, you will be amazed how enjoyable marriages can be if we submit only to our husbands.
3. Pray together as a couple or as a family and always study the word of God together. Never ever obliterate prayer out of your home, and never ever be too busy to feed your spirit with the word of God. It keeps your family grounded. This is the most vital tool in staying together and keeping your home intact from evil penetration. As a couple, you have the highest level of unity when you both take time out to pray together. Make time because time waits for no one. You have to create that time. Husbands should always take the lead of spirituality in the home. Don't leave it to the wives only. By doing so, you're raising your sons to be responsible too. Some men never saw their dad lead in this area hence the failure to do such in their homes as well, but you can cultivate the habit. God helps those who call out to him. Remember he is the creator of marriage, therefore men, if you don't know how to lead in this aspect, seek His guidance, and He will help you.
4. Who you communicate with and associate with matters. If all your friends as a married man, has one or two side girlfriends, guess what? You will soon join in, it's just a matter of time; likewise the ladies too. Evil communication ALWAYS corrupt good manners. Bad friends always ruin good habits, so choose your friends wisely. Just because someone is a childhood friend, but displays bad habits in sleeping with anything in skirt, doesn't mean your friendship should last a lifetime. Disassociate yourself from such as soon as possible. Flee from all appearances of evil. Don't think, FLEE! Anything that appears evil and wicked. It's wickedness to have a side lady or a side kick, besides your wife and vice versa. Ladies, just because your friend is having an affair with one Alhaji or Chief or her boss who gives her tons of money to support her low income husband doesn't mean you should envy her, there's a curse on her already unless she desist from such evil act. Disconnect from such evil people that wants you to destroy your home with your own hands. Remember, a wise woman builds her home not destroys it. Let us all be wise in choosing who we call friends and family friends. Besides, couple should be each other's best friends. But if you choose to associate with other people, mix with like minded people.
5. Each couple should accept their marital responsibilities. Marriage is about responsibility hence meant for responsible people.
Men, you are expected to fulfill these three roles in your home: husband to your wife, father to your children, and spiritual leader in your home. While women are expected to fulfill these three roles: wife to your husband, mother to your children, and the home maker.
Always talk, communicate as a couple. Communication is important. Love and respect each other. Agree and disagree but do it in love. Your children are watching you and also reading you as a parent. Kids hear what you say, but do what you do. Couples should always hug, kiss, hold hands, touch each other, and be affectionate in front of the kids. Parents, NEVER let the house-help raise your kids for you. Your children must feel both parental impact in their lives.
Men, even if you are the CEO of your company or the pastor of a church, take off those hats when you step into your home and take on the hats of a husband, father, and spiritual leader likewise the ladies. Once you step into your home, take on the hats of a wife, mother, and home maker.
Wives, make sure you cook for your family. Don't leave that to the help or cook. Even if you cannot cook, learn it, and present it to your family. With time they will get use to your cooking. No one is too old to learn. "Life is about learning; when you stop learning, you die!"
A homemaker cooks, cleans, prays for her family and the success of her husband, spends wisely (monetarily), and helps her husband manage his finances. She is contantly looking out for the good of her husband and praises him at all time. As a matter of fact, learn to appreciate each other's effort. Praise each other after a successful or unsuccessful task. Use words like: "Thanks honey for taking the kids out." or "Thanks lovie for bringing the kids home from school today". All these goes a long way.
Also husbands learn to help your wives. If she does the laundry, help her iron and vice versa; if she cooks, help her clean and vice versa. Remember marriages don't have a manual. You do things that fits your family needs. Your marriage is exclusively yours.
6. Do not covet someone else's marriage wrongly. Wrong envy is poisonous. Right envy is healthy. For instance, if you love the way Mr. Z loves and respect his wife, then it's okay to covet such, But if you love Mr. Z's expensive gifts to his wife because he is a CEO of his company & can afford to change His wife's car every six months, but your husband is just a a marketer and can barely bring in a quarter of Mr. Z's income, then coveting such is dangerous and may lead to the destruction of your marriage. Therefore covetousness is a sin. Also bad comparisons is bad. Sometimes, you see wives or husbands comparing their spouses with their friend's wives or husbands; saying things like, "Can't you be quiet like Mrs D?" Or "Can't you be romantic like Mr. F?" etc. This is wrong. Never ever compare what others are doing In their homes. Always be contempt with what you have. Watch other couples especially the older couples, (if your marriage isn't up to the years they've been in marriage), and take only what you feel will make your home more serene and blissful.
Always remember, fingers are not equal and family financial status are different. Marriage isn't about competing with your neighbors, nor is it a race to see who acquires what at a particular stage in life. There is no manual to marriage. As a matter of fact, marriage is a canvass, you only get what you put in it. Therefore live your life and stop living someone else's. Congratulate your married friends when they show off their gifts from their husbands, and let it stop there. Do not take that home to pressurize your husband/wife trying so hard to put food on the table, and keep love alive in the home. Always appreciate each other as a couple more than complaining and comparing.
Remember most couple put on a façade, and some will never share their scars, wounds or where they're bleeding. So you don't know what others are going through in their homes. Always appreciate what Gods given you because that may be what someone else is fasting and praying for.
7. Never hide secrets. Marriages should be lived openly and not secretly between spouses. Tell each other everything. Have an open and understanding relationship. Don't condemn your spouse when he/she pours her heart out or else you will break the chain of communication. Accept each other's flaws and learn to forgive each other's mistakes. Marriage is about two forgivers living together. Love covers all things and forgives all things.
Some things are harder to forgive, than the other, which is understandable, but in cases like that, seek counsel if you have to, but always tell the truth.
Trust is harder to rebuild once broken, but it takes time for anything to heal, so give it time.
Never speak evil of each other to another. People won't forget the evil things you say about your spouse, but will always forget the good you say. So never speak ill of each other.
Don't go to your parents house or family house to tell them secrets of your husband/wife; wives be home makers always; husbands likewise. Don't tell home secrets to outsiders. Keep your home from those who don't really care about your marriage anyway. Let what happens at home, stay at home.
Please don't hesitate to ask questions. Have a great week folks!
©2014 Debbie Kuks Words.