Felicia in her late thirties was mounted with the pressure of getting hitched. Although she is a very beautiful
, godly, and successful lady, yet finding a man to want her was a great burden on her. She had prayed, fasted, and done everything she knew how to get a decent man to propose to her but all to no avail. As we all know, "hope deferred makes the heart sick" (Proverbs 13:12A), so Felicia had gotten to that stage where she was holding on to little or almost elapsed hope, and would do anything to get married.
On one faithful day, Cecelia, a friend of Felicia, ringed her and told her someone was interested in her. Wow, finally! Felicia exclaimed; she thought God had finally answered her prayers (without seeking Him to know the man was truly God sent). So Felicia and Samuel, the secret admirer, started talking, and before you know it, they were an item. Felicia was so carried away that she "fell in love with the idea" of a man wanting her, over the man "actually" wanting her. She was so carried away, that led her in making some dumb decisions which she later regretted.
To cut the long story short, Samuel and Felicia got secretly married at the courthouse 2 weeks after they met, because she wanted to be married before giving him her body, and Samuel used that to his advantage; he advised her not to tell her family members that they were getting married, and should just be a "hush, hush" thing, and she stupidly agreed. This would later bite her in the face.
, Felicia found out that Samuel didn't want the same things she wanted, he was very lazy (wouldn't work or look for any?); he would spend all her money; he wasn't so interested in the things she loved to do; he would rather talk to other people rather than talk to her. He also hid a lot of things from her; he was very secretive, and she was losing her mind slowly. She became a "glorified single" (cohabiting with sexual benefits). Meanwhile, Samuel always reminded her he never proposed to her, so their marriage wasn't legit. To cut the long story short, the marriage was dissolved after three months.
Going back to the drawing board, Felicia realized she was so blinded and caught up in the "getting married frenzy" that she forgot to date. She had zero discernment to know or perceive if Samuel was the right guy for her or not. She had no clue who he was nor had any idea who his family members were; but she only had high indulgence in getting hitched to a total stranger, which wasn't a smart decision.
Dating is essential in any courtship that will lead to marriage. Dating is when you go out multiple times and ask questions; definitely not for sex! This is the time to know everything! I mean everything you feel you are unsure of. What are his short term goals, long term goals, vision, desires, what drives him, what's his relationship like with his parents, does he respect the elderly, does he regard his domestic staff, or when you go to restaurants, does he treat his servers derogatorily, etc? I mean ask questions for you to know if he is a visionary, hard-worker, focused, foresighted, family oriented, godly, kindhearted, humble, etc. Same goes to single men per the women they want to marry.
I strongly believe that everyone wanting to share their lives with another must at least take time to study themselves. Study you, date you, and love you unconditionally. This will help you to be confident in your own skin and not make you jump on anyone who says he is interested in you. I was taught earlier in life that you must always ask yourself these questions before accepting anyone's proposal:
1. Am I physically attracted to this person?
2. Do I share the same spiritual beliefs with this person?
3. Are we socially compatible?
4. Are we intellectually compatible?
I was told by the late Pastor (Mrs) Bimbo Odukoya, if you are physically attracted to one another, share the same spiritual beliefs, enjoy hanging out with one another (have same or similar interest), and/or are at the same intellectual level, the chances of you making it in any relationship or marriage is high.
Felicia today is wiser and does things differently. She recently got remarried and it was like God compensated her. She married an equally godly man, who loves hanging out with her, and hides nothing from her. She is a better and wiser woman today because her ex taught her what she should NEVER accept in any relationship. This time around, she made sure her husband proposed, paid her dowry, brought all the listed items for the traditional engagement marriage, and was married gloriously.
So if you are an older single lady or man, please do not be pressured or caught up in your singleness, or be so consumed with the "idea of marriage" that you loose yourself in the process. Rather, use the waiting time to learn more about yourself, discover your gifts and talents, develop them, work hard at what you believe in, and keep yourself busy and occupied; not idle. Before you know it, you are a wealthy single man/woman with great and wealthy idea/potentials ready to be a blessing to someone else, and not a liability.
I pray God gives everyone out there believing God for a godly, faithful, god fearing man or woman, their utmost heart desires. I pray God blesses the ladies
with a man like Boaz, who covered Ruth, and made sure no one disrespected her; and the men a woman like Ruth, who listened and patiently waited for her Boaz to find her.
P.S: Ladies, never propose to any man. Know your worth! You are pricier than diamonds!!! (A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.~Proverbs 31:10 MSG)
©2015 Debbie Kuks Words
All Rights Reserved
Facebook: Debbie Kuks.
Photo credits: buzzkenya