How To Ask For What You Want — And Get It

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It isn't always easy to express our desires. We worry that others will see us as pushy or demanding, or that we'll be turned down. But asking for what you want is a necessary part of , and I've found that the more you practice it, the easier it becomes. Here are the five things I want you to remember: Ask with commitment. The first ask is for yourself: Question whether this is really what you want. Only when you're certain of your true desires will you have the courage to pursue them. Ask with awareness. Every request comes with a price -- there is no free lunch. For instance, asking for a raise may mean a tense conversation with your boss -- and you're successful, nine times out of ten the raise will come with additional responsibilities. That's the cost: You have to be willing to do what's required. We cannot enjoy the benefit if we can't accept the price. Ask without fear. Fear is an obstacle that blocks your capacity to receive. I'm not just talking about the fear of making your voice heard. I'm also talking about the fear of getting what you want and realizing it's not all you'd hoped it would be, the fear of the responsibility that will come with it, the fear of losing it, and the fear of what will happen if you don't get it. These are all common, and they can get in the way of going after the things you yearn for most. Ask with trust. When you do not believe you deserve whatever you're asking for -- if you don't believe you're worthy -- you are not open to receiving it and, more often than not, you will not get it. That's how the universe works: If you don't put your trust in it, it won't deliver. Ask without expectations. When you want something, you may be required to ask more than once -- and you can't get too attached to the manner through which you receive it. If you want , ask for it -- but know that it might take a while and may not come from the partner you expect. If you want a fulfilling career, understand that you may get it, but perhaps not in the field, position, or time frame you anticipate. Asking for and receiving what you want means keeping the faith that you will get it, even if the outcome doesn't look the way you thought it would. Iyanla Vanzant is the host of OWN's Iyanla: Fix My Life and the author of Peace from Broken Pieces (SmileyBooks).

19 Comments

  1. Tyra bello

    January 11, 2015 at 6:56 am

    Hmmm, lemme try this. BBbuzz, i need my device changed. Can you please replace it with an iphone6? *flashesTeeth*

    • Louis Offor

      January 11, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      *With a Broad Grin*Try another question option…ok!

    • oloye adeniran

      January 11, 2015 at 12:42 pm

      For you mind now you expect this to be granted …… Oh! Wait money now grows in tree….. 🙂
      Park well …… You too love awoof pass me self!!

  2. Grace Aigbokhae

    January 11, 2015 at 7:09 am

    Thank for the great Commande.

  3. Chiamaka Emmanuella Onuoha

    January 11, 2015 at 7:09 am

    OK I never thought of that, well tnks for the info I will know how to ask things now

  4. Adewumi Taofiq

    January 11, 2015 at 7:21 am

    Woooo nice one, thanks

  5. fabinu ayodeji

    January 11, 2015 at 7:23 am

    Good morning..
    thanks

  6. Chinaza Victor

    January 11, 2015 at 7:38 am

    Wow! @least i will put this in action

  7. Segun

    January 11, 2015 at 7:50 am

    C tips

  8. Anonymous

    January 11, 2015 at 7:57 am

    Thank you ma’am, just the tea i needed dz cold morning

  9. Winnie

    January 11, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Real words…

  10. Nnenna Ugwuonah

    January 11, 2015 at 8:54 am

    Thanks & happy sunday

  11. Louis Offor

    January 11, 2015 at 12:31 pm

    I don’t know if anyone else got this the way I did. It felt like I was the one being addressed in this post. Arrrrgggh…now I surely know I have to make amends and with these few lines I grabbed from the post I know I surely will :

    “Fear is an obstacle that blocks your capacity to receive” and,

    “If you want love, ask for it — but knowthat it might take a while and may notcome from the partner you expect. If you want a fulfilling career, understand that you may get it, but perhaps not in the field, position, or time frame you anticipate. Asking for and receiving what you want means keeping the faith that you will get it, even if the outcome doesn’t look the way you thought it would”.

    All I can graciously offer is my thanks. Yes, thank you for this…i’m most grateful.

  12. oloye adeniran

    January 11, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    Thanks for this great lovely tip at least its gonna get me where I want to be just when I feel it right to be used.
    Happy sunday to you guys

  13. Anonymous

    January 12, 2015 at 5:08 am

    Tanx I only ask 4da faithful right nice woman to live wth.

  14. Wiwa Maruwasa

    January 12, 2015 at 5:12 am

    Thus wat me ask

  15. Lucky

    January 12, 2015 at 6:55 am

    With all the points listed above at least one can correct all the past mistakes of not asking with commitment after going through its.thanks 4 this fantastic tips.

  16. ifeanyi ability

    January 12, 2015 at 7:35 am

    Thats nice master it is digest direct to my soul,about to germinate and yield fruits,keep the ball rolling master.am following.

  17. Akinlabi olawumi

    January 19, 2015 at 6:18 am

    I will surely put it into practise