Finding a partner – Easy for some, Hard for others: Why?

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Some people find it very easy to meet new partners and hardly ever have gaps between relationships. It doesn’t matter whether their relationships last for years or months – somehow they manage to never stay single for long and easily meet a new interest shortly after breaking up: a month or two passes and… poof! – they’re in a new relationship. you are not one of them, and it normally takes you longer to find somebody new – maybe a year, or even a few years – you might find it very puzzling, even frustrating. They do not seem to be any more “deserving” to have a relationship than the rest of us – so how do they do it? What is their secret? SOME CAN’T STAND BEING ALONE Some of them feel that they must have someone in their lives all the time, so they keep going from one relationship to the next, since they absolutely dread the thought of being single. Their need to be with someone is stronger than desire to have a meaningful relationship. Because of that they hardly break up before they meet someone new, so they appear like they find partners easily: the truth is, they just can’t stand being alone and do everything they can to keep the old relationship, whether they are happy in it or not. SOME JUST KNOW THEY’LL FIND IT But once we come out of teenage years – we normally add more criteria that are based on something more than appearance and physical attraction: personality qualities, lifestyle choices, values, interests – and many other things. In theory, the more things we add to the – the trickier it becomes to find people who match them. And still, there are some people who can do it easily. They are not needy and afraid of being single, and they have a sizeable checklist. The secret of their success is confidence that they will find what they’re looking for, and that there is enough choice out there for them. They find their partners easily because they are convinced they can! Usually that confidence comes from previous experiences – if you found it easy to find partners earlier in life, that feeling of success will stay with you and attract more successful events, and it becomes a repeating and self-reinforcing effect. Same works with the opposite: once you had problems finding partners for a while, you might develop a belief that it is hard to find someone, and as a consequence it will be. Your beliefs will become your experience, and then your experience will strengthen your beliefs. And if you add a thought “I will never find someone” on top of that, and start believing in it, it will probably get even worse. WHAT IF YOU’RE NOT ONE OF THE CONFIDENT ONES? How to break out of this “vicious circle”? By changing your beliefs – which is not easy, but it is the only long-term efficient way. It requires changing not just your thoughts – but your feelings as well: thinking positive is great, but it is not enough if you don’t feel those thoughts are true. Once you know in your heart you can find love, it will happen for you. LET ME HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS How hard it is for you to find new partners? Does it take you days, months or years between two relationships … what’s your “average” period between serious relationships? Thanks for commenting… IMG_1694 Writer Francisca Owumi 1st runner up BBNigeria. Entrepreneur,Artiste and tv presenter.

14 Comments

  1. Chiamaka Emmanuella Onuoha

    January 3, 2015 at 8:45 am

    For me a year because heart break can kill and it will make u feel as if all relationship will end that way.

  2. Chiamaka Emmanuella Onuoha

    January 3, 2015 at 8:55 am

    Tho the writer is right but all mindset re not the same, one of my gf decided not to be in any relationship till marriage because of heart break.but with her reasons I think am OK wit that.Good morning Bbbuzz

  3. Grace Aigbokhae

    January 3, 2015 at 9:09 am

    for me it takes more than months to get one because I have to take my time knowing the person I want to be with.

  4. Louis Offor

    January 3, 2015 at 9:22 am

    Haha…it was quite an interesting read. But I found it untrue in a few cases though. What the writer has enthused i.e by saying a “lack of confidence” or the “inability to stand alone” may be the reason people find relationships easily may be true, but what about if the cause of seperation was related to something tragic? You don’t expect someone who’s just coming off from what was once a beautiful relationship that ended tragically or on a sad note to be in the frame of mind to want to be in another relationship just a few weeks or months after the tragedy? It will be very difficult as such a person may need more time to heal. I don’t know about others but I may not able to recuperate in say just 2 months after, no matter how strong i may feel unless that person didn’t really mean much to me.

    Question : How hard it is for you to find new partners? Does it take you days, months or years between two relationships … what’s your “average”period between serious relationships?

    Answer : As easy or as difficult as i may want to make it be. It could be weeks, months or even years. On average, i would peg it at 6 months.

    • Louis Offor

      January 3, 2015 at 9:27 am

      NB: I meant to say “full of confidence” and not a “lack of confidence”.

      Thank you!

  5. Chinaza Victor

    January 3, 2015 at 10:13 am

    Everybody is not dsame. Some find it difficult to talk to b pesin dy truly love while some are afraid of heartbreaks. Dats y some find it difficult to get a partner

  6. Nnenna Ugwuonah

    January 3, 2015 at 10:19 am

    For me it Has been easy for me finding a partner because what I normally do is to list out the qualities I would like to have in a man and once a man come asking me outn the first thing I do is to see if I can get 60-70% of what I am looking for in a man and if he posseses them then I will accept and do everything possible to make it work. I don’t just go into a relationship because all my friends are in a relationship and this is one of the majore problems that most people are facing……entering into a relationship because they don’t want to be single not minding if he/she is the right person or not. So I think that what people should do is to find the right person by looking out for all the qualities that they want in a man/woman and stop entering into a relationship they know will not workout simply because they are afraid to be single. Another thing is that whoever that wants to be in a relationship should make himself/herself available where he or she can meet new friends like attending traditional marriaged,weddings,parties,burials,church functions and so on because it helps people to meet new friends and probably a lover. Thanks

  7. Chinaza Victor

    January 3, 2015 at 10:25 am

    As for myself. My average period between a serious relationship, Lol. I will inbox yu later

  8. Segun

    January 3, 2015 at 11:01 am

    Just pasing

  9. Ability ifeanyi

    January 3, 2015 at 11:09 am

    Francisca honestly is somehow hard for me,why is because i normaly check on the life style of the person am approaching whether her lifystyle will correspond with my own to avoid comotion,that is the reason why the person am with i always try my best to keep that person happy everytime,but in the other hand if that person is not worths to be,that is she want to deviate for eg:my ex-girl called #peace, i tried my best were she was but since she found another person because am not at home,she minggle with him i just quit her way straight.so life goes on

  10. fabinu ayodeji

    January 3, 2015 at 11:21 am

    is because she really needs to choose a very sincere life partner and pray over it inorder not to regret in future and we also have different characters

  11. Adewumi Taofiq

    January 3, 2015 at 2:06 pm

    Nice

  12. Lucky

    January 4, 2015 at 8:04 am

    For me it is very hard for me to find a partner that suite my person because i do take my time to find that person that truly match my lifestyle.Since i started dating in my life i have never experience any relationship that exist more than a year or two.Because when its comes to the issue of relationship despite the fact that am bearing Lucky i hardly experience that same luck in my relationship.My present relationship is getting to a year now because the lady am dating presently is quite committed than most of the ladies have dated before.

  13. oloye adeniran

    January 4, 2015 at 10:08 am

    I don’t go through break up….. Simply because being single is the main thing for me now, because of what use is being in a relationship with a person be when you have alterior motive
    So why not stay single study the person your heart desire and check them well.