Good day aunty Mutiat. I think I should also talk about my side of depression. I got married to a loving husband who was so eager to have us together while I was more eager to pursue a career and get a life of my own with good standard of living so that myself and hubby can live together happily as its difficult to enjoy marriage/love without money. We got married with our plan of not having baby till say after a year plus as minimum in order for us to get fully settled with better jobs,I needed to finish up my 2nd degree as well. After wedding we adopt a method of family planning n was on the move to get our dreams of having a good standard of living before bringing in kids. Mothers pressurise but we held on to our plan of no baby yet but God altered our plan with His own and the family planning method adopted failed. Lo and Behold I was pregnant and my world turned upside down. Nothing made me happy anymore. Sadness became part of me that for some period of time I never smile. Hubby would be on one side brooding,I will be on the other side doing same. We hardly talk together till one day he said he's ready to support me on any plan I have with the pregnancy. We both agreed to abort it. A friend told me about a drug she knew way back as a nurse but she's not close to us so I needed to go get it in pharmacy. No pharmacy was willing to sell to me except I present description from a doctor. So we decided to see a Dr in one health center. We got there,ran another test n see the woman telling us congratulations its positive when I was praying it turn out negative if possible.We met with Dr and he just won't see why we been married would want to abort.After much pleading,he managed to refer us to someone that would do it as D n C. On hearing D & C hubby n I started crying and went home more sad. We got home and I became terribly sad,thinking on how bad I hear D & C can be. What if I die? But I don't want a baby yet. How will I get my life as I had desire to live to enjoy my life naa. From that day,I wish I could just die without going through the pain of D n C. Well to cut it short. We went through this phase and I had the baby( who is such a beautiful,intelligent,smart n amazing girl), I tried to pull through with the little work I got though with big challenge on salary as it's a private company.
Then the storm came again last year when hubby hardly get salary once in 5months. Here we have a baby to care for myself and hubby. Mind you my master program still going on with this. I held on to pull through. Bills ranging from school fee for me,baby upkeep,our feeding house rent and my project in school were way to high. It got to the point that I go days without food and I was breastfeeding. I sometimes take from my baby pap to have breast milk to feed her when I have no food to boost the flow. Then I stopped going to work cos they had no project for more than a year hence no salary and its very far from where I live.I will sit in the house,will cry n cry and would want to end it all but each time I try,my baby will just look at me and smile. I had begged almost everyone around me and one way or the other try little they can. Intact one day I visited an uncle who is from hubby side but whealty. Went with baby and hubby with the hope of getting help on little foodstuffs n a job referral.We borrowed 2k from a woman that sells provision beside our house. We got to this uncle n was given almost no attention. The wife didn't eveb come out to see us till we left. Even there my baby was having serious cough but he has a Dr didn't even show concern. We said our good bye and uncle gave me money. I was so glad but didn't know the amount as it was already dark.we left happily and eager to check d money to see how much. Lo and behold uncle gave me #500(five hundred naira) after spending like #1300 on transporting us there in commercial car/bus. So how do we pay mama back her 2k? No food in the house. Hubby's job takes almost a whole day yet salary little and not regular. Then we hardly sit and talk happily cos no food and no money. Am a nursing mother but no food and nothing makes me happy. I attempted ending it myself and not wait for hunger to kill me or land me in hospital so we don't start looking for how to pay the bills. It is really not easy. I attempted walking away one night when I just can't sleep and lost it all.Hubby woke up as I was trying to sneak out to walk away n not return. My baby's first birthday came and all I could give her was just a smile and not even a gift to give but am sure she understood. Christmas was coming and yet not even a cup of garri in the house. But this aunty came through for us by providing us with foodstuffs.Since beginning of this year it has been one challenge or the other but I now have reason to hold on.Am going to live for my little baby girl and give her the best in life.
I will be strong for her.I will see to it that I go to that fashion school and begin to realise my fashion design dream. Hubby and I must begin the business come what may so that e can live a better life whether salary come or not. I will pull through my master program and gist my child how I pulled through. I keep saying am sorry to my baby for trying to abort her and for each time I look at her and wish she didnt come and disrupt my dream. For the time I transferred so much aggression on her n beat her even as few months old baby,for the time I called her this thing when in my stomach as I was just angry she came,for the time I lost opportunity of getting job offer because of her and I use that to react to her. Am so so sorry my baby girl and I promise to live and legitimately struggle with my last drop of blood to give you the best in life. Thank you for taking time to read my story and for this opportunity. #NowIChooseLive#LivingMyDream#SayNoToDepression#LifeIsGood
Culled from Mutiat Sunshine's Facebook Post
Note: Image used here are for illustration purposes and does not represent the present status of the person.
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