AUNTY PHILOMENA

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Just in case you are wondering, ‘Aunty Philomena’ is not an actual person. ‘Aunty Philo’ is that neighbor that is trouble personified, that is a thorn in your flesh. Just when you thought you were delivered from certain uncomfortable social situations like a raving mad landlady, by moving to another location on the mainland, little did you know that Aunty Philomena was waiting for you right there. philomenaAunty Philomena is of various kinds, but let me identify just 6 in this article. In another article I will coach you on how to get deliverance from this cancerous growth called aunty Philomena. Unfortunately, Philomena has to be a woman, for hardly do men have any spare time for her kind of activities. My apologies to all those who bear Philomena as a name. Seriously, no parent should ever name their kids Philo again!
  1. That neighbor who opens your door without knocking or forces her way in once she hears you opening the door is aunty philo. She is an extremely nosey one. She is aware that her presence is not wanted but she resorts to the use of force or in local parlance ‘ogboju’
  2. That neighbor that thinks you are too young to drive the type of car you drive simply because yours is more expensive than hers is philomena. You hear her make comments like ‘ehn this young girls of nowadays waste money..they don’t know how to manage’
  3. That neighbor that changes her car just because you changed yours is aunty philo. She is in competition with you and will never have rest. She will duplicate all your children’s toys for hers and send her kids to their school. I feel this particular philo is the most dangerous of all.
  4. That neighbor that wakes up at 4am to sing to an imaginary audience or pray as though God were deaf is philo. She will cause you a lot of heartache if you are a nursing mother or a light sleeper. The sad part is that if you complain, you will be labeled an enemy of God or the witch that has been troubling her generation.
  1. The neighbor that desires to ‘mummy’ you. One look at you and she believes she can tell you are young enough to be her child is aunty philo. She is just about 10 years older but she has aged. This is a difficult philo, as they are tough to shake off. They always offer unsolicited help that hardly will get a thank you because it is mostly done in an irritating manner.
  2. The neighbor that wakes up daily to fight is aunty philo. Even when you avoid her she will cross your part. She is idle, angry and ever ready to cause trouble. When the fight is over she becomes a non-entity, for her only sense of worth comes from fighting.
Fum-fum

4 Comments

  1. Egwuatu Mary

    January 23, 2017 at 11:20 am

    Lol
    I have such people here, they are much. Thank you for sharing, waiting for the next post on how to avoid them

  2. idris yayah

    January 23, 2017 at 11:43 am

    Person gats pray hard make e no go marry dis
    kind Delilah put for haus o

  3. Chibuike Ani

    January 23, 2017 at 12:12 pm

    LOL…Thank God for not giving me aunty philo as neighbour, friends and family member.

  4. Adeyemi Adeleye

    January 23, 2017 at 11:21 pm

    May God deliver us from all AUNTY PHILO (AMEN),
    Thanks Fum Fum