Are You A Home Maker or Home Wrecker?

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  Homeowner Destroying HouseFew months back, my husband and I were led to minister to a couple going through marital challenges. We noticed while talking to them, the wife was set in her ways, and although we were talking, she was not really paying attention or listening. The issue of concern for the husband was, she feels she is the only one God speaks to, and honors her pastors more than him. She disobeys him when he tells her she couldn't go to church, and she would go on a fast without his permission, which prevents him to touch her sexually when he feels like it. The man is equally a born again Christian, and loves God too, but he was not given the respect and honor to be the spiritual head of his home, which was a great concern to him. He also hated coming home to a stinky woman, with bad breath (from fasting all day), and looking unkept; especially after buying lots of clothes that would last a lifetime for her. This man works in a financial institution and on a daily basis, he comes across well dressed , who takes care of how they look, smell, etc, and yet would return home to a stinky breath, tattered clothes, and hair tied in horrible looking scarfs. No husband wants to come home to that? I poured my heart to this lady, and told her I'm equally born again, who loves Jesus Christ wholeheartedly, but the same God we serve is a God of order. There is a structure in the home, that God put in place; the man, the wife, children, and ministry. It is never ministry before family. Especially as the wife, you cannot just decide you want to go on a fast without your husband's consent. "Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control." (1Corinthians 7:5) I told her specifically: "You BOTH must agree to go on a fast. I practice this with my husband. I have to run it by him and most times, if not all, he never stands in the way. It just shows a sign of respect. The man will even feel honored that you run things by him." But apparently, she rejected my advise. As a married couple, there is no way, you can decide to do whatever you want with your body while married; that's for the singles. Never for the married. The moment you decided to get married, when you signed the certificate, you also signed off your will and power over your own body; your body no longer belongs to you, but your husband, and vice versa. The scripture is clear about this: "The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife." (1 Corinthians 7:4) While saying all these to the couple, the husband was more opened, receptive, and willing to change, but the wife was just nodding her head, the "yeah-yeah-whatever" kind of nod. It was too obvious she was hardheaded, and all we could do was pray for her. Just few days ago I heard she went for an all night prayer, without her husband's consent, and before she returned, he had changed the locks to the house. She returned and found out the locks were changed; knocked but the husband refused to open. Then she left and went back to her parents house, and she's been there ever since. I guess the man got tired of her stubbornness, hence his action. This broke my heart; I knew God had seen this coming hence sending my husband and I to them, but she rejected the counsel, and the truth in the word of God; maybe because I didn't have a scarf on my head or look like a "born again Christian" according to her own definition. But my husband and I knew she was dealing with a "religious spirit" -- One that twist the word of God, and makes one schizophrenic. It is a dangerous spirit. Schizophrenia makes you feel you are better than everyone else, and you know God more than everyone else. The spirit has selective hearing, and would look at everyone else that isn't doing what they are doing as doomed and going to hell. I stand with Apostle Paul on this one; "But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:33-34). I know this lady loves God, no doubt about it, but her approach in expressing it is like one without the true knowledge of God. Hosea 4:6 says, " are destroyed for lack of knowledge." I believe God hasn't been revealed to her. If she really know who God is, she would have known He wouldn't give you the blessings He didn't intend for you to enjoy. God gave her a good man who loves her, who has a good job, a provider, a child, etc; yet was blindfolded with the weight she embedded on herself. Our love for God will never destroy any marital relationship, so we must always remember that! Lastly, let all wives build their homes with God's wisdom and not not destroy it with their own hands. A word is enough for the wise. Have a blessed week. God bless! Debbie Kuks. ©2015 Debbie Kuks Words Facebook: Debbie Kuks. Twitter: @DebbieKuks Instagram: @debbiekuks


  1. Adewumi Taofiq

    January 18, 2015 at 2:01 pm


  2. Akinlabi olawumi

    January 18, 2015 at 2:03 pm

    Nice write up. Hope am permitted to share this with my friends 🙂

  3. Louis Offor

    January 18, 2015 at 2:14 pm

    Wow…what can I say? Our love for God will never
    destroy any marital relationship…I said Amen to this, so we must always remember that!

    Here is one final word for the women. “Lastly, let all wives build their homes with
    God’s wisdom and not not destroy it with
    their own hands”. – Lady Debbie Kuks. Have a blessed week too Ma. God bless!

  4. Oloye Adeniran

    January 18, 2015 at 2:20 pm

    Happy Sunday To All Readers!
    This Goes Out To Debbie Kuks, You Have Made Me Glad To Have Read Today’s Article.
    Now Back To The Main Topic, I Really Have A Beef With This So Called S.U Called sister Coz They Feel Like They Know God Better Than Other Churches Or People And It Even Scares Me To Have Anything To Do With Their Sisters Coz You Just Never Know Maybe You Might Be Starve Of Sex And She Might Be Dirty And So Unkept …… In Other Words They Have To Change Their Ways.

  5. Nnenna Ugwuonah

    January 18, 2015 at 2:37 pm

    Another wonderful write up from Debbie. Each time i see any piece writen by you, i will see myself reading it over and over again. Now coming to this issue, alot of people are already in this kind of mess and it would take only the grace of God for them to change and it is caused by lack of understanding of the scripture, it has really gone so bad that some people now listen and obey their pastor more that their husbands but with this kind of your write up i just hope that many people will see it, read it and start utilizing it so that we would have better homes and society. Thank you so much. Happy sunday!

  6. Grace Aigbokhae

    January 18, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    Thanks Debbie a great writeup, I HV learnt something new today.

  7. Chinaza Victor

    January 18, 2015 at 3:47 pm

    Since am single nko? Anyway nice write up

  8. Chiamaka Emmanuella Onuoha

    January 18, 2015 at 6:41 pm

    Debbie u can be a great advicer to president,families and alot of others. Luv this and Luv u

  9. ifeanyi ability

    January 19, 2015 at 2:30 am

    we love God in truth and as a woman in a man’s house you are bound to be submissive to the man of the house, before you going into anything you have to inform him because he is your god you can women should learn that.

  10. fabinu ayodeji

    January 19, 2015 at 9:09 am

    debbie thanks so much for this. write up..and please i so much need more from you